Diary, June 17, 2007

June 16, 2007 at 11:34 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Oh, in yesterdays diary I failed to mention that among my relatives, a married daughter now living in the States, is visiting her parents.

These days,crossing an ocean is no taboo for a Brahmin, because their career takes them to the four corners of the earth, like the businessman, merchant, the Bania, who pursues his business to every nook and corner these days.  Why not, nowadays you find a Shastri, Hindu Priest, more than a priest, overseas, to help Hindus to do their Sanskaras without losing a thread.

You have the temple priests, Kovil Gurukkal, flown and settled overseas, to perform the daily pujas and Nivedhyams in the temples over there.  Temple architects go overseas to erect Vimanams and Gopurams.  Our religious heads fly overseas to consecrate new temples, and to perform Maha Kumbabhishekams.

Life is in the fast lane now.  Every moment there is a new invention, a new discovery, an innovation.  There are fast strides in medical research, and DNA is being researched threadbare.

Man strives to be more healthy.    But man never stops to have strifes, wars, retributions, economic sanctions, religious intolerance, racial discrimination, caste politics.

I think peace will come to earth only after all the wars are fought and all the battles are waged,  all the guerilla warfares ceased, terrorism wiped out of human memory.  Despite all this, we humans have the tenacity to carry on and achieve.

Thank God for the philosophers, pacifists and the benevolent souls, who help us maintain our sanity.  And we poor stoic citizens of the world, we easy by, silently doing our duty to society, to our family, procreate, and retire to our nooks when all our duties are done.  We recline in our easy chairs, and meditate and reminisce.

I remember a line from a hymn we sang once :  Oh what is man, that Thou are mindful of him.

Man is a stalwart when compared to only man.  Man is less than a speck on the face of the earth, which is a speck, ok a big speck rotating and revolving around our Sun, which is just a speck of a junior star in the Milky Way Galaxy, which is but a distant haze in the infinity of  Universe.  Like anything else, Universe also will have an inside and outside, and then there will be universes and universes and universes, ad infinitum.  And, Oh, where are you man?

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Diary 16/6/07

June 16, 2007 at 3:36 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

a lot of things happen. I find from the physician that I have high sugar.  He will review me after ten days when I go for tests again.  Because this will mean that I will forego all my favourites like sugar, fats and carbohydrates, I was crestfallen and under weather for quite a few days.  I consulted Kala and asked her to give me energy and pep again.  I think I am slowly regaining my composure.

There is going to be another trip to Chennai, and this time I will attend the wedding reception of my friend’s son.  This will also give me the opportunity to call on my sisters, uncles and aunts during this flying visit.

Chitra has been insistent that I apply for visa, so that I can be with her by October-November, so that I can stay for a more or more with her and then we shall both return to Hyderabad in December.  Paplu will have a very brief vacation this time, and then by the nest time she visits us , it will be three years over for her in her doctoral pursiit.

There has been a wedding in the family, a close relative had a heart surgery, a boy employed overseas has returned to Madras and found a  local job.  A family friend has shifted residence.

The hottest days are over now, and the rains are slowly getting into the habit.  It is more comfortable with the summer slowly receding.

Thank God the depressive mood has left me now.  I think with the diagnosis of sugar presence in blood, I am turning a page in  my  life.  I had always taken my coffee with at least two spoons of sugar, and I always drank at least  6 or 7 cups of coffee  a day.  Now a full stop for that. I have become used to having  coffee without sugar and it actually feels better in my mouth now, though I hate sugar-less tea.  I have changed over to parboiled rice diet, alternating it with coarse ground wheat preparations and phulka chapathi.  Rupa has even changed my cooking oil from sunflower oil to  gingelly oil.  All my snacks are now  curtailed, to be replaced with biscuits.  Paplu suggested I have rusk, wheat bread, vegetable soup etc.  I will find happiness in what I do.

I hope I will regain all of my activities so that I can be brisk, healthy and happy, and be useful to others.

DARD (Pain)

May 25, 2007 at 10:52 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I possess an audio tape of Mohamed Rafi’s Ghazals. I used to listen to this tape often until the tape disintegrated. Luckily I could retrieve most of those songs from the vaults of Music India Online website. I select and play them whenever I remember them, particularly at the moments when I feel utterly alone and miserable.

My knowledge of Hindi is sketchy and I trust most of these songs are on love theme, with a smattering of them philosophical, and some pain-filled. But these songs enhance my lonely feeling and misery. These songs are mellifluous and tuneful, and are accompanied with flowing instrumental accompaniment.

When I hear them a great wave of pain assails my mind. But my stony heart prevents any tears and because tears don’t flow, the pain weighs heavy on my heart. There is an untold and indescribable sadness in my mind when I listen to the songs.

When Kala was alive, I used to play this tape in the afternoons, and we used to listen to them lying down in bed. I do not know how these songs worked in her heart.

During the last few years of her life, when Kala kept shuttling to the Nursing Home, dispensary, the operation theater, convalescence, physiotherapy, trips to the hospital in the ambulance, she kept all her thoughts to herself, only showing excess love and affection to me.

On one occasion she confided to me for the first time that at some stage in her life, she went to the extent of thinking of suicide; another time a couple of months before her passing off, she pleaded with me to come away to the hereafter with her. It wrung my heart and yet I told her like a heartless oaf that I was, that I would if I could, but I have my duty to the children, and I will come when my time comes and join her.

My life goes on, friendless, companion-less, rudderless, drifting with the current of life. Fortunately I am also witless so that I find happiness in simple ephemeral pleasures. Raju, Rupa and Paplu are there for my solace and comfort.

I cannot play the audiotape nowadays and I listen to these songs as I am listening now. Now that I have shared my feelings with my virtual friends through this post, my heart is lighter at the present moment and I am able to savor them, the lyrics the music, which sound like angelic rendition to me.

p.s.: The following morning after this post, I came across a webpage describing the characteristics of musical keys, their association with emotions and colours, and I would like to share this information with you.  Please go to the following link to learn more:   http://www.library.yale.edu/~mkoth/keychar.htm

A few entries in my personal diary

May 4, 2007 at 12:25 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

My uncle and nephew suffered burn injuries recently and they are both undergoing treatment.  My nephew’s injuries are far more extensive than my uncle’s, and they are both in ICU.  I pray that they recover and get back to normal health soon. 

 I have heard treatment and recovery from fire accidents is often very painful notwithstanding the pain relief medications.  Fire accidents involve burns and smoke intoxication.  Blast injuries can cause lung oedema or intentinal perforation, which may escape medical attention.  Clinical effects of smoke are asphyxia and lung irritation or respiratory tract injuries.  Less heavy asphyxia can result in vertigo, nausea and headache, disorientation and neurological symptoms.  Brief intoxication is a trap for physicians.  Victims with irritative effects complain of eye or skin itching, throat pain and cough.

I could get the above informations on the internet, namely from the following webpage:

http://www.ispub.com/ostia/index.php?xmlFilePath=journals/ijto/vol1n1/triage.xml.

I am a layman and have no connection with the medical profession.

I will be going away to Trichy to attend a wedding of a young lady, along with whom my daughter shared the IISC facilities when my daughter was doing a one-year project there.  I will be away from the evening of the 4th of May till the morning of the 8th.  With me will be travelling an ersewhile colleague of the bride.

This is the morning on the 4th May, and I am packed and ready since the last 15 days, as usual.  Though I like train journeys, I have my reservations regarding using the train toilets.  Hence I prefer short, overnight journeys to quit the train as early in the morning as possible and fina some good accommodation with good bathroom  and toilet facilities.  You may call me finicky.

I will have over 12 hours in Trichy but I may not get around much because half the day will go in attending the wedding.  I aim to travel with two bags, of which I will carry the lighter one to Trichy, leaving the other in Lalitha’s house in Chennai, where I propose to to as soon as I land in Chennai, so that I can collect my bag when I return to Chennai from Trichy.  I may not have much time going around visiting people but I shall try my best.  I shall surely drop in at Sankara Mama’s house to talk to Malathi Manni.

Again I plan to go to Madras in July to attend the wedding reception of my friend’s son.

EVERY NEW DAY IS A BLESSING

April 25, 2007 at 6:16 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Every morning you open the newspaper, listen to Radio and watch television and witness happenings all around you.  There are news and news of all kinds and types, good news, bad news, discoveries, inventions, disclosures, mysteries, births and deaths, and on kinds of happenings around the world, the microcosm and the macrocosm.  There are religious discourses, philosophies, mundane regular happenings, and among all this we as individuals lead our lives.  Some of us are just drifters, some with near-sighted aims and objects and some with grand visions, some with just empty dreams and their own castles in the air, grand illusions.  Some are endowed with natural pessimism and some are incorrigible optimists.  Some of us always smile and expect the world to smile with us, always lookign to the good side of life.  And some of us are doomsday prophets, finding and looking for only the dark and dismal things to happen in our life and around us.

Some of are deemed architects of the fate of humans.  Some live for themselves, secretly out of their cupboards dreading every moment.  Some of us have natural drive in us that encourage us on to new heights of achievements.  Some are just happy with what life in its own course has brought to us, our lot, and they just amble through life.

There are responsible types and irresponsible types.  Responsible people can be responsible only for themselves, or responsible to society.  people are of types and types: good, bad, callous, careless, generous, miserly, scholarly, unlettered, motivated, aimless, religious, unreligious, moral, immoral and amoral, virtuous, evil, saintly, satanic, thinking, unthinking, systematic, erratic, punctual, tardy, curious, disinterested, inventive and stupid or plain.

For all people every day is a new chance. A terminal patient surviving a night’s passage gets a renewed confidence in the continuance of life, a loser too, on seeing the dawn hopes things will improve for a change.  A new day is a gift of God.  When you sleep, forget your worries, forgive your enemies, write off your bad debts, and make your mind light.  It is not very easy.  Different people have different mindset, character, inhibitions, ambitions.  Yet when you wake up in the morning, despite the differences, the new dawn gives you new energy, new opportunity, new vigor and new expectations.

 Use each day like a golden opportunity.  A day lost is a day lost forever.  

Memory takes me back to my book collections

April 19, 2007 at 12:25 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

As long as I was in active service as a humble Typist-Clerk-Private Secretary, I had a great love for books. My taste in books ranged without any rhyme or reason reflecting my nature. I always liked to visit a library, and from the time I could become a subscribing member, I took membership in more than one library at one time. Those were my Madras days. I was a member of the District Central Library, The British Council Library, The Library at the American Center, the University Library, and I had also occasionally visited the Connimara Library (I may be misspelling the name). I used to hunt for big books on Art, Architecture, Paintings and Sculpture. I was also visiting Painting Exhibitions, dramas and religious discourses. I liked listening to classical Carnatic Music. My visits to libraries almost ended when my college days were over. When I started working, especially in Madras, my books collection habit started. I was fond of purchasing cheap second hand books on the pavements even during my school days as I had to pass many of these shops on my way to the Marina Beach.

From the time I started travelling to and from office, I frequented a particular book shop where new as well as second hand books and magazines were available to peruse and purchase, I had become a regular collector of books. I think with the amount of money I spent on these secondhand books and magazines and sometimes even new books, I could have saved a couple or more of ten of thousands of rupees. But as my collections grew gradually I never realised the amounts involved totally. This is just a digression.

So much water has passed between then and now. I have retired, now using reading glasses, prefer watching TV and browsing websites, posting my blogs, taking care of the house, watching an occasional movie in a theater, eating out occasionally, and have almost stopped reading from books. On various occasions in the past, I have packed away my collections of books to libraries, selling to an occasional book lover, and losing some good books to book-flickers and book borrowers who never return them to me.

I still have a semblance of collection of some books, a pitifully small number compared to my total collections. I haven’t read any new authors’ books though sometimes when I visit a good book shop like Walden, I see their names and titles. I sometimes purchase crossword books because I am fond of solving crosswords.

One old gem I often take out and browse at random is an old publication called, The World of Animals, which it states is a treasury of lore, legend and literature by great writers and naturalists from the 5th century to the present. This book was compiled by Joseph Wood Krutch with his commentary introduction,  copyright in 1961, and published by Simon and Schuster, Inc., New York.

This is an amply illustrated book.  I have lost the illustration on the front cover and the back cover.  There are illustrations of ceramic, bronze, metal, sculpture, painting, mosaic and enamel.  Pages 27 and 28 are also missing.

The introduction itself is very interesting reading.  To quote a passage:  “God is absolutely distinct from man; man absolutely distinct from all other living things.  Man is at God’s mercy; everything else is at man’s.  Most animals who have any contact with man throughout most history have good reason to go in the fear of him and in the dread of him.”  Religions have helped to produce civilizations in which the rights of animals are much more likely to be recognized than they were ever before.   He says society has increasingly become humane and cruelty to animals today is a crime.

Krutch quotes the Englishman John Ray, stating, “Let us consider the works of God and observe the operation of His hands.  Let us take notice of and admire His infinite goodness and wisdom in the formation of them.  No creature in the sublunary world is capable of doing this except man, and yet we have been deficient therein”.

He quotes a passage from Alexander Pope’s one of the most widely read poems, of which I lift just a couplet, as follows:  Has God, thou fool! work’d solely for thy good,                                                                          Thy joy, thy pastime, thy attire, thy food? . . .

He also quotes John Donne saying, ..just as man is involved with all other men, so is mankind involved with all living things.  He compares this to the Copernican revolution in astronomy.  he says Copernicus removed earth from the central position and made it only a planet revolving around the central sun.  Man though not insignificant, he is great only among others which are lesser.

Krutch quotes Henry Thoreau:  “This curious world which we inhabit is more wonderful than it is convenient; more beautiful than it is useful; it is more to be admired than to be used.”

He concludes his introduction by stating  that just as individual men cannot live successfully unless they live for something more than merely making a living; we must regard the earth on which we live as something more than merely that which furnishes us with a living.  We should gladly assume that Nature’s children all divide her care, and that they are all demonstrations of the wisdom of God.

This book contains the writings by various people and each of these is interesting reading.  I propose to reproduce some of them, at my leisurely pace over time, so that those reading them can gain some insight into the ways  people think

TRAINS

April 19, 2007 at 9:50 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Drafted on Saturday, April 14, 2007. 9.15 a.m.

Ever since steam power was invented by James Watt, Locomotive Steam Engine pulling the coaches along, has entered our lives and lore. Like all else, the invention of the locomotive engine has sparked our imagination, and innovations have been
added to its concept, design and fabrication.

Now the steam engine is almost a thing of the past, a wisp of memory. Now there are diesel engines and electric power-driver superfast engines, lugging a long train of coaches, carrying people and transporting goods.

The train whistle is a powerful stimulant. Children all over the world play the train game and blow the whistle. The arrival and departure of a train is the beginning or the end of a long association. A train whistle heard faintly in the distance even when the engine is not yet in sight, has a very nostalgic effect on us.

How the sound of the train whistle might have sent shivers of mortal fear into the hearts of the prisoners of the Nazi regime, with their knowledge that the train will separate them from their kith and kin, and will take them to their fateful destinations like concentration camps, intensive labour camps or to the gas chamber. In peace times, the arrival and departure of a train into a station brings union and pleasure to families.

A train journey is the major form of transport all over the world. Movies have been made and novels written involving train journeys. I remember a movie in which a soldier on leave takes a long journey by train and the movie recounts his various experiences. He gets delayed because of entanglements en route, and finally when he reaches home to be greeted by his mother, a letter awaits him to return to the war front.

I also watched a Tamil movie called “Kizhakke Pogum Rayil”, viz., The Eastbound Train, which narrates the story of a young woman’s daily visit to the Railway Station expecting to see her lover-husband return. This was a very poignant story shot in rural settings.

There were a lot more movies based on the theme of trains, like The Great Train Robbery and a Hindi movie called the Burning Train. There is a real life story of adog in Japan which used to go to the Railway Station awaiting its master’s return every day, while he was dead a long while ago. I think there is also a statue to immortalise the dog. Agatha Christie has written a mystery called a murder on the Orient Express, involving an incident where two trains pass each other in opposite directions and a passenger in one train witness a fleeting glimpse of a murder being committed in the other train..

Train routes cris-cross a nation’s landscape, carrying commuters and goods from one place to another.

Life is like a train journey. Many people get into the train from one station and leave it at another. Human beings travel the train of time, grow, mature, age and die and become just memories and then fade from the memories even to be lost for ever in the past. This is deep stuff, and the passage brings happiness and sorror, adventure and relaxation, purpose and aimlessness, achievement and the lack of it, as long as it lasts. All the human ties forged in human life become null and nought after death, which is equated to people getting off trains. There I go again, philosophising and depressing people. But life is like that.

P.S: This is published very late because my net connection was down. We had a hail storm throwing down on us tennis ball sized ones pelting our doors and windows with such rattling, causing a power breakdown at midnight, over a couple of days ago. Our car windscreen was cracked. The hailstorm was followed by very heavy rains, low tension electricity, causing our old TV set to explode. There was news in the dailies that the hailstorms caused widespread crop damage in the state. The poor net provider had his reputation at stake and was frantically fixing troubles and to retrieve his damaged image.

Numbers

April 12, 2007 at 1:14 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I had been out of sorts for sometime now and my imagination was dry as the summer days here in Hyderabad.  We have not yet completely settled down here in Charlapally, though Raju and Rupa are into the groove and are driving to office on all five working days.  Rupa has taken a Learners’ Driving Licence.  The three of them, Raju, Rupa and Chitra are more regular with their Blog Posts, Raju’s being the most professional closely followed by Rupa’s posts.  For Paplu (Chitra) Blog Posting is a kind of recreation and relaxation and respite from studies.  That leaves me to vegetate in my own stew.

I keep going back to my nostalgia and pathos anytime I apply ink to paper.  So I laid off for sometime.  Paplu suggested that I write a Post and suggested Numbers as a topic.

 I am no Math man and Arithmetic scares me, though I am good at simple addition, subtraction.  Yet I thought I would stake out in an untrodden path today. So here it is.  I start with a weblink suggested to me by Paplu.  This is it:

http://math.arizona.edu/~mcleman/CoolNumbers/CoolNumbers.html.                                             

My numbskull brain went blank trying to make out anything I can say on the subject of the above link but I gave up the attempt.  So I will restrict myself with what I can understand.  By saying this, in no way I am passing opinions, simply because I am an absolute zero as far as mathematics is concerned.

Now, I will quote selectively from Wikipedia:

History of Numbers

It is speculated that the first known use of numbers dates back to around 30000 BC, bones or other artefacts have been discovered with marks cut into them which are often considered tally marks. The use of these tally marks have been suggested to be anything from counting elapsed time, such as numbers of days, or keeping records of amounts.

The earliest known example is from a cave in Southern Africa. [1].

Tallying systems have no concept of place-value (such as in the currently used decimal notation), which limit its representation of large numbers and as such is often considered that this is the first kind of abstract system that would be used, and could be considered a Numeral System.

The first known system with place-value was the Mesopotamian base 60 system (ca. 3400 BC) and the earliest known base 10 system dates to 3100 BC in Egypt.

History of Zero:

The use of zero as a number should be distinguished from its use as a placeholder numeral in place-value systems. Many ancient Indian texts use a Sanskrit word Shunya to refer to the concept of void; in mathematics texts this word would often be used to refer to the number zero. [3]. In a similar vein, Pāṇini (5th century BC) used the null (zero) operator (ie a lambda production) in the Ashtadhyayi, his algebraic grammar for the Sanskrit language. (also see Pingala)

Records show that the Ancient Greeks seemed unsure about the status of zero as a number: they asked themselves “how can ‘nothing’ be something?”, leading to interesting philosophical and, by the Medieval period, religious arguments about the nature and existence of zero and the vacuum. The paradoxes of Zeno of Elea depend in large part on the uncertain interpretation of zero. (The ancient Greeks even questioned that 1 was a number.)

The late Olmec people of south-central Mexico began to use a true zero (a shell glyph) in the New World possibly by the 4th century BC but certainly by 40 BC, which became an integral part of Maya numerals and the Maya calendar, but did not influence Old World numeral systems.

By 130, Ptolemy, influenced by Hipparchus and the Babylonians, was using a symbol for zero (a small circle with a long overbar) within a sexagesimal numeral system otherwise using alphabetic Greek numerals. Because it was used alone, not as just a placeholder, this Hellenistic zero was the first documented use of a true zero in the Old World. In later Byzantine manuscripts of his Syntaxis Mathematica (Almagest), the Hellenistic zero had morphed into the Greek letter omicron (otherwise meaning 70).

Another true zero was used in tables alongside Roman numerals by 525 (first known use by Dionysius Exiguus), but as a word, nulla meaning nothing, not as a symbol. When division produced zero as a remainder, nihil, also meaning nothing, was used. These medieval zeros were used by all future medieval computists (calculators of Easter). An isolated use of their initial, N, was used in a table of Roman numerals by Bede or a colleague about 725, a true zero symbol.

An early documented use of the zero by Brahmagupta (in the Brahmasphutasiddhanta) dates to 628. He treated zero as a number and discussed operations involving it, including division. By this time (7th century) the concept had clearly reached Cambodia, and documentation shows the idea later spreading to China and the Islamic world.

With this, I stray off from Wiki.

If you are inquisitive to know what is special about numbers, please go to the following link which lists them exhaustively: http://www.stetson.edu/~efriedma/numbers.htm

If by a remote chance anyone wants to learn the number names in 2,000 languages, they may open the following weblink: http://www.zompist.com/numbers.shtml

I will close this post by introducing Dr. Math to you.  I am certain that Dr. Math will be of use to undergraduate students and to the general public from all walks of life: http://mathforum.org/dr.math/index.html.

If my mind doesn’t wander I shall continue to post more on this subject. Till we meet again, have a nice time.

P.S:  Here is a bonus.  http://www.maa.org/devlin/devlin_10_02.html    

This weblink is about the book, LIBER ABACI.  This book gave numbers to the western world.  This is a very interesting article on this 800 year old book. Read it and I hope you will like it.

WOUNDS

April 5, 2007 at 1:57 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

April 5, 2007. Thursday. 3.12 p.m.

I was watching Passion of the Christ, as I have been watching often.  I remember lines from the Catntata with the following lines:

He was wounded for our transgressions;
He was wounded for our iniquities.
He was refused and rejected of men;
Surely He was greater than all men.

And again:

Oh what is man,
That Thou are mindful of him.

And:

The merciful goodness of the Lord
endureth for ever;
and ever and ever.

I am not a Christian; nor do I have any real anchor to hold on to.  I am born a Hindu Brahmin but I had not been a True Brahmin throughout my life.
Whenever you think, most often you think subjectively.  You relate to any of these to your own life’s experiences.  Ever since my childhood, I had never been taught or shown real principles and nor have I had any convictions or ideals or ations and aspirations.  I was always aimless and I studied aimlessly, married aimlessly, begot my own aimlessly and lost my most precious possession in my life.  I have never prayed with real conviction ever in my life.  
But something good has always been happening to me.  My parents, my sisters, my wife and my children are all the good things to have happened to me.  I am beyond sinning because I never truly analysed the meaning of words.  I never too had real feeling of guilt ever in my life because all my actions are aimless and unpremeditated and never wilful.

When my wife left her corporal body, I don’t know what happened to her soul.  But her memories linger with me and I take guidance in life through consultation with her, and I continue all her prayers and rituals like lighting a lamp and pleading to an unknown God for the wellbeing of my children.  I have not become a reformed soul even after her passing away but I entreat her moderation with me whenever I feel I am committing an error, a blunder or a transgression, and my conscience is always light.  No past memory weighs heavily on my heart.

For me, my wife is the ultimate pure soul.  She lived her life selflessly, dedicating herself completely for our wellbeing, always sharing her joys with us and never sharing her miseries and pains with any soul.  No human being is perfect and she also must have her follies and foibles, but for me she was the ideal soulmate, compensating for my shortcomings, tolerating me always and ever caring and full of concern.

Only once, a few weeks before leaving this world, she confessed to me that at one stage in her life she was so disillusioned that she thought of committing suicide, but thank God, she stayed on with us as long as she survived on this earth.

She suffered all the pains for our sake.  Whenever I watched Passion of the Christ, I had cried everytime, but I had never cried for Kala ever, whether I was callous or not, I do not know.  Sometimes when I am alone with myself, which is most of the time, I experience an intense sadness, though fleetingly, because as you know now, I am thoughtless.  Perhaps this sadness washes all my sins.

I carry on only thinking of our children all the time because it is the prime object of my existence for my remaining time here, and I do not have any idea of any hereafter.

I do not have any deep convictions about Karma and Rebirth, and if ever I am reborn as a human being, I want to be born again to the same parents, same siblings, marry my own Kala and beget my own family, over and over again, so that ultimately, at some future birth, I will have improved my character and personality and vision and aim in life, so that I would have acquitted myself well to all concerned.  Amen.  

I am drowning

March 29, 2007 at 3:39 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

What I meant literally was that I was just now listening to some Beethoven from Classical Music Archives. I am not disturbing anyone because I am listening through my earphone, and I am drowning, a pleasant kind of drowning where you don’t die but go into a trance, an ecstasy.

Music has moved me always. I have always preferred music to any other fine arts because you do not need an expertise to appreciate good music. you need only instinct and a good ear for music.

Long ago, when I used to go to only English movies, whether I understood the story or dialogs fully or not, in Casino, Elphinston or Odeon Theatre, I used to particularly like the music they played before the movie started or during the intermission. Those days music from movies like A Few Dollars More, Sugar Colt, Baby Elephant Walks, A Patch of Blue, Bridge on the River Kwai, Satan Never Sleeps, Dr. Zhivago, used to draw discerning viewers, and I was one among them, discerning or not.

I remember sitting at Carnatic Music Concerts, without the basic knowledge of Ragas or Talas, never having been trained in music formally, and my gullet will constrict with emotion and fulfilment when the music is too much and engulfs me and envelopes me.  At such moments if someone were to talk to me, I might not be able to utter a word because my heart is filled to the brim with music and its fulness.  This might sound foolish or exaggerated but every word I utter here is gospel truth.  There is no rhyme or reason in what I am saying but that is how I feel at such moments.

 I am an incomplete mortal in the sense I am wanting in all the departments of character, integrity and whatnot, but somehow these shortcomings don’t matter if there is some goodness in you.  I believe there is some goodness in me which far overweighs all my follies and foibles.  And that is why I feel very fortunate in life, though I have suffered the ultimate loss when Kala left us. 

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